if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
