i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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