so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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