I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
