I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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