even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
