Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
