"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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