Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
