Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It's blow job season.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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