Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
