I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
