none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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