I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize