puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
