zippers are such a cool invention
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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