Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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