She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
