I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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