do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
