Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
