Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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