this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
