He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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