I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
