I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
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Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
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I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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