I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
