her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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