just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
