i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
