I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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