he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
