You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
