you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
