As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
