bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
