she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
