my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
