Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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