yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
