I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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