We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
