I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
