when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Never underestimate the power of titties
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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