OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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