I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
