i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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