we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
