You work out of a Hotel?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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