NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
