I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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