Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
