I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
