dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
