Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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