I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
