I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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