i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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