do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
