i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
