They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Randomize
