remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im holly from the hills drunk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
