i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
