I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
