Need sex. Gaining weight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
