i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
