if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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