Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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