So drunk, too bad you don't want this
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
