Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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