kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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