The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
