maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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