worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
