Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
that is very illegal...i love you.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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