I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
