im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
