Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
