i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
