Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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